P,E,T'E,M
by Free Dan Phantom
Summary: People for the Ethical Treatment of Ectoplasmic Manifestations.'Where ghosts and Humans connect.Not like that, Pervert' Jazz goes overboard with the therapy thing. Now Danny's enemies must talk about their feelings with humans AKA Jack and Maddie
1. Class Is In Session

Danny heard mummers coming from Jazz's room for a half-hour now. He thrusted his comic book aside and marched to his sister's room down the hall. Before he could start pounding on the door yelling 'Jazz, keep it down!' he noticed a sign on her door printed in fancy green letters.

'People of the Ethical Treatment of Ectoplasmic Manifestations meeting in progress. Do not disturb. People of the Ethical Treatment of Ectoplasmic Manifestations. Where Ghosts and humans connect.' Danny looked at the sign in disturb upon reading 'where ghosts and humans connect' then noticed that below that was 'Not like **that**, pervert!' scribbled in crayon.

Danny opened the door and let out a gasp. Jazz, his parents, Skulker, Techness, and Vlad Masters were all in there sitting in a circle. "Jazz! Why are my ene- I mean, why are there ghosts in our house!?"

"This is were the healing starts, Danny. Here at P.E.T'E.M. Ghost and humans can stop fighting and learn why they hate each other."

"P.E.T'E.M.?" Danny asked, raising and eyebrow out of confusion.

"What? It's clever!" Jazz protested "Dad? It's your turn." Jazz gestured to her father.

The overweight, orange jumpsuit-ed parent stood up. "Hello. I'm Jack Fenton."

"Hello Jack Fenton." The group responded plainly

"In 1942, my father was scared by a ghost after his mother mis-stated a quote by the president. The foul ghost has horrible white hair and piercing green eyes. It flew through my father's bed and corrected the quote, thus effectively - ahem - emptying my father's bladder. Then when I was born, he always told me about that ghost and soon I swore to destroy the ghost that made my father wet his bed." Jack paused and he wiped an emotional tear from his eye. He raised his water glass up high and said "here's to you, Dad!"

Everyone look blankly at the strange tale of Jack. Jazz soon spoke up "ok, people. What can Jack do instead of hunting down the ghost that scared his dad?"

"He could _**untie me**_!" Vlad yelled as his struggled against the rope that kept him seated in the chair. _If only I could use my powers_, He thought to himself.

"Sure thing, Vladdie!" Jack got up to help his friend. Unfortunately, Jazz ran in front of him.

"P.E.T'E.M. isn't done with Uncle Vlad yet, so sit down!" Jazz yelled. Jack quickly retook his seat.

"You ok, Jack?" Maddie whispered to her husband

"No. Because she snapped at me." Jack replied

"Jazz," Danny said "You have hit a new level of weirdness. Congratulations."


	2. I Technus

Danny looked around and found a chair. "So where are the doughnuts? I believe they are a mandatory part of any group therapy session?"

After a guilty pause Technus stood up. "I, Technus, Master of all things mechanical! have a confession to make. I have a weakness for the pink frosting sweetness of the doughnuts. I, uh, ate the last one a couple minutes ago."

"So it's just coffee?" Danny inquired

"I should say not," his mother retorted. "You a growing boy. You'll have the lemonade like the rest of us!"

"Ah, Mom, Dad's drinking a beer, Vlad's not drinking at all and Skulker is holding something that looks like foaming blood. I don't think any of us here is drinking lemonade."

"I, Technus! Am drinking the lemonade. It tastes like electricity running down my throat!"

"Shut up," Vlad ordered.

With a scowl Technus sat back down and took a long sip of his drink and winced as he swallowed the liquid.

"Most of us put sugar in the lemonade so it's not quite so bitter," Vlad observed.

Jazz cleared her throat loudly, trying to bring order to her meeting. "Dad, your explanation for why you hate ghosts was certainly -- uh -- illuminating..."

"I know it's an image I won't get out of my head any time soon," Danny said.

"Moving on, perhaps Skulker you could tell us something of why you hunt ghosts?" Jazz asked.

"Does it have anything to do with your diminutive size?" Danny added.

Skulker glared at the red-headed human, arms folded over each other. Jazz was glaring at Danny.

"If you're not going to contribute to the healing process of this session, maybe you should just leave now."

"Thank, God," Jack Fenton boomed, "I thought I'd never get out of here!"

"Sit down, Jack" Maddie Fenton order, "You're not going anywhere."

"Why isn't anyone listening to me, Technus, master of all things--"

"Shut up!" everyone said in unison.


	3. Donuts, Who's Got The Donuts?

Author's Note: me and my co-writer, Dad, weren't happy with this chapter. So, it's been rotting on my computer's hard drive for a month or so. But I think that if you don't like it, don't say anything. If you have an idea or requested villain you wish to have probed, review please!

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Danny got up as Technus sat down, somewhat embarrassed. "Ok, people. We got us an 8.4 on the donut-less scale and we must go and get more donuts!" He said, pounding a fist into his hands

"Uh, Danny..." Jazz interrupted "but donuts aren't really nessi—."

"The preteen is right!" Skulker said "We must get donuts that the idiot ate."

Jack leaned in on Maddie "does he mean me or you?"

"Nether." Maddie answered "The robot's talking about the one with the mullet."

"Vladdie!" Jack got out of his chair in shock "how could you? I didn't know _you_ ate the last donut!"

"Not me, Jack!" Vlad stood up, the chair still tied to him. "The **ghost** with a mullet." "That he stole from me." he muttered

Jack produced a large cannon-like ecto-gun and took aim for Technus "you stole V-man's mullet?" Jack realized something and lowered him gun "wait, if he stole your mullet, then why do you have one? Wouldn't Vlad be bald then?"

"Figuratively! I meant it figuratively!"

"People!" Jazz said as she grabbed her father's gun "we are here to heal!"

"I'm here against my will." Vlad added

"I don't care." Jazz admitted "you are here to learn how to work _**together**_! Not fight!"

"The daughter of the housewife is right!" Technus said finally "For I, Technus, Master of All Things Shiny and Sparking–"

"Housewife?" Maddie pulled out a machete and pinned Technus to the wall.

"Mo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-om!" Jazz whined "you're embarrassing me in my ghost friends! Put the machete away." Maddie sheathed the machete and sat back down.

"As I was saying," Technus continued "we must work together in order to replenish the sugary circles of joy!"

"Fentons and ghost working together?" Danny said leaning towards Vlad "This'll be good." Vlad nodded as sat back, trying to get comfortable to the anti-ghost ropes the bond him to the wooden chair.

"But first, we need a plan!" Technus finished

"I've got a map that have 42 different ways to the donut shop!" Jack declared proudly. Every pair of eye looked at Jack with a distinct look of 'what the hell?' Jack's pride fell until he defensively yelled "I don't have a problem! Don't you judge me!"


End file.
